A couple weeks ago I was doing something I’ve done thousands of times in my life, walking on wet grass. This time though, I slipped and managed to turn my ankle in a very painful way as I went down. I knew from the pain and nausea that set in that this was no ordinary ankle twist. Later, an orthopedic surgeon would confirm that my MRI showed torn ligaments and tendons (that sounds more serious than “ankle sprain,” right?). With strict orders to keep weight off my left foot and outfitted with ergonomic crutches, I was about to find out just how much I took the ability to walk for granted.
It’s a small thing, in the scope of all the possible things that could happen, but this limited mobility had an immediate effect on my life; I couldn’t see clients in my 3rd floor walk-up office, I couldn’t drop my kids off at school, I couldn’t even carry a plate to the table at dinner time because my hands were full of crutches! I had to depend on my husband for most everything and accept that my life was going to be seriously interrupted for a few weeks.
I’ve been lucky, and three weeks out have been able to ditch the crutches and walk on my own, albeit with a limp. Resilient. But I’ve been reminded by my doctor and physical therapist that I’m still healing and shouldn’t push myself too quickly or I’ll end up re-injured. Fragile.
This whole process has reminded me that as humans we go about most of life out of touch with our fragility. Because generally we tend to be so resilient we forget that all it takes is a simple misstep and then everything changes. I mean think of how often things go so remarkably right! We drive without crashing, we eat without choking, and on and on.
Current COVID events have reminded us of our fragility. We’ve entered this world in which it isn’t safe to go to work, get on a bus, attend a concert, etc, etc. And yet, we’re reminded that about 80% of people with this illness have only mild symptoms. So are we fragile, or are we resilient?
The answer, of course, is both. Most of the time we are amazingly resilient. We walk and don’t fall down, we pick up a virus and fight it off within days. And sometimes, not so much. It’s difficult to be with the reality that we are all fragile beings. I think that’s why there’s a national shortage of hand sanitizer and Chlorox wipes! We want to be in control, to arm ourselves against fragility. And maybe that helps us manage a bit better psychologically, but it doesn’t erase our vulnerability.
So, as I struggle to patiently wait until I’m strong enough to go on a little hike, I invite you to also be gentle with yourselves during this uncertain time. Yes, we all feel fragile and scared right now. But we are also so, so resilient.